THE REVOLTING CHEERLEADERS
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A BRIEF EXCERPT
Erin O'Connor. (Entering and tossing her book bag down [Prop], but still holding a can of diet coke [Prop] ) What a jerk! What a consummate jerk!
Abby Dolan. (To Stephanie) I think she’s referring to you, Steph.
Stephanie Chevelure. Are you referring to me?
Abby. (Sticking in the needle) If the shoe fits, wear it.
Erin. I’m referring to Scott, the jerk -- the head jerk!
Stephanie. (Pouring gasoline on the fire) Your significant other?
Erin. My “IN”significant other. He’s now a significant jerk!
Stephanie. (Being catty) I don’t suppose this disgusting display of temperament has anything to do with the fact that he’s taking Lorelie Lugnut to homecoming?
Stephanie. I don’t see why your freaking out, anyway. Scott’s not the only man in the world.
Abby. We know he’s a quarterback. Does it necessarily follow that he’s a man?
Erin. Who ever said he was?
Jennifer. If he isn’t the only man in the world, then why are you freaking out?
Erin. (Erin crosses to Stephanie; Abby counters) Saturday night was his birthday. I took him out for dinner and I bought him a shirt. I wasted a hundred dollars on the jerk.
Monica. (Monica crosses past Jennifer and Abby to Erin; they counter R) Maybe he’ll return the shirt?
Abby. (To Erin) Would you like me to ask?
Jennifer. What did he order for dinner?
Abby. There, I think you’re out the money.
Jennifer. (A step DSL, thinking) I doubt the restaurant would take back (After careful consideration, she turns back in) regurgitated lobster.
Monica. (To Erin) Look at the bright side. Lobsters are shell fish.
Abby. (Not following) So?
Monica. Maybe he’ll have some kind of allergic reaction.
Jessica. Why would he have an allergic reaction?
Monica. Lobsters are high in iodine.
Jennifer. (Horrified) But if he’s allergic to iodine, he just might die.
Erin. I wouldn’t want him to die. I’d be perfectly happy if he merely went blind.
e Publisher's Description
A fast-paced spoof of the male athlete/cheerleader relationship. Ideal for Junior High presentation. Minimal unit set. All Cast members have a significant number of lines. And the girls best the jocks!
In a world where high school football players talk like lawyers (sometimes…), and cheerleaders raise their fists in revolt, you never know what's going to happen next!
By: John Donald O'Shea
Cast: 6 M, 6 F
Performance Time: Approximately 40 minutes, 39 pgs.
For years the cheerleaders have adhered to a "school tradition" and have provided a pre-game snack to the football team (peanuts and Twinkies) without complaint. But when Erin's significant other, Scott Superbowl, the teams quarterback and acknowledged leader, asks Lorelie Lugnut to Homecoming instead of Erin, at the importuning of Lorelie's older brother, offensive left tackle Lance Lugnut, Scott's "principle protector," Erin is not amused, and refuses to provide further snacks for the football team. Abby, Erin's friend, who has always thought providing junk food to overweight football players, backs Erin's stance. But Stephanie the squad's captain, responds by engineering a vote to expel Erin and Abby from the squad.
Things get complicated when Monica discovers that with only three girls paying, the cost of the snack will devour her allowance, and when Erin and Abby hire a "lawyer," or someone in the nature thereof - Sarah Lipgloss, the Student body secretary and parliamentarian.
The play seeks to answer the profound question, "what will happen if football players don't get his Twinkies?" And how does a guy shower while wearing a football helmet? These questions
and more are answered in The Revolting Cheerleaders…