Ginzberg's Irish Wake
is published by
Big Dog Publishing
Scripts can be ordered and royalties paid by clinking the link below:
FREE SAMPLE pages can also be viewed by clicking the same link
A Brief Excerpt
(The scene is a Small Claims Court Room. As such the room is sparsely furnished. The judge’s bench sits up center. The witness stand is to the judge’s immediate left. The plaintiff’s table with two chairs is DR. The Defendant’s table with two chairs is DL. There is an open area USR. David Cohen and Kate Green enter. David Cohen should be a good piano player. If
he can’t play, he fakes it and uses a tape of the songs. Kate enters the courtroom with an attorney’s brief case. [prop] David enters with a couple pieces of sheet music. [props])
David Cohen. Who's the Judge going to be, Kate?
Kate Green. Judge Abraham Ginzberg.
David. Ginzberg. Sounds good. What do you know about him?
Kate. Absolutely nothing. I haven't been in Small Claims Court in five years. In fact, I don't know what I'm doing here today. What am I doing here today?
David. I got stiffed at a gig. You're representing me.
Kate. David Cohen, my criminals pay $250 an hour for my services.
David. I'm not a criminal.
Kate. What's that supposed to mean?
David. It means I did piano at your wedding for gratis.
Kate. You didn't do a very good job. It only lasted six months.
David. Had you married me, it would have lasted longer. Piano players come with a one year warranty.
Kate. (Ignoring him) How much are "we" suing for?
David. $450. Well, actually $225. She offered to pay half.
Kate. Let me get this straight. You got stiffed for $225? So you dragged me down here to represent you, and now you're planning to stiff me on my fee? David, this is going to take all morning! This is costing me $1000!
David. It's a matter of principle! Mary O'Malley and her gaggle of Irish friends impugned my professional competence.
(Judge entering in his judge’s robe, with gavel in hand [props])
Judge Ginzberg. (With an unmistakable Irish brogue) Court's again in session. Top o' the morning to you all.
David. (Stage whisper to Kate) Why does a gay named Ginzberg have a brogue?
Judge. Sure'n, you must be the plaintiff, David Cohen. (To Kate) And who might you be, darling?
Kate. Kate Green, your Honor. Counsel for the plaintiff.
Judge. Now how do you like that? I nearly mistook you for the defendant Now what was her name again? (Looking at the pleadings) O’Malley. ... Mary O’Malley
(Mary O'Malley entering. She is a beautiful Irish widow.)
Mary O'Malley. That's me, your Honor.
David. (Whispers to Kate, a bit too loud) She didn't look that good at the wake.
Kate. Whose wake?
David. Her husband's. He "croaked."
David. Died. It's Irish slang. I must have picked it up at the wake.
Kate. You're suing a widow during her bereavement?
Judge. You're suing a widow during her bereavement?
Mary. What would you expect from a barbarian?
Kate. I object to her calling my client a barbarian! He may be unfeeling and self-centered, but he's certainly not a barbarian!
David. Thank God, you're representing me!
Songs Used in Play
My Wild Irish Rose
(Versions of all these songs are in the Public Domain, and Public Domain versions must be used to avoid copyright infringement. The author will supply PDF versions of the songs. The author may becontacted
COMEDY WITH TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC.
Perfect for St. Patrick's Day!
Bereaved widow Mary O’Malley hires David Cohen, who represents that he knows all the "Irish songs," to play Irish music at her husband’s wake. But when David arrives, he knows only one Irish songs,
Mary refuses to pay his agreed upon fee.. Enraged, David sues the widow and the two appear in Small Claims Court ready to battle it out.
In order to prove his case, David brings along a piano to perform Irish songs for the judge. When the judge falls asleep during an Irish lullaby and then jumps to his feet to dance an Irish jig, David feels confident that he will win.
Unintimidated, Mary defends herself by calling forth Father Shamus Rory Mulligan as her expert witness.
Twists and turns abound in this hilarious play, which features five traditional Irish songs.
Irish - St. Patrick's Day Play
By John Donald O'Shea
Cast: 3 men and 2 women
Running time: about 20-25 minutes
Some years ago, my brother and I were out singing at a great piano bar in Barrington, IL. As we sat that, we struck up a conversation with an attractive woman and her husband who happened to be sitting there and who were singing with us. As we talked, the lady related a story of a married couple - her friends -- who had an annual backyard party. To entertain their guest, they hired the same pianist - "Charlie" - year after year. The pianist was "a guy who could plan any song any body could suggest." Unfortunately, he died, and the couple was forced to find a new pianist. The new guy represented he could play just like "old Charlie" had. When the night of the party came, the couple discovered to their dismay that the new pianist could only play with sheet music under his nose. At the end of the evening, the hostess confronted the new pianist and said "You misrepresented your abilities; I am only going to pay you half of what we agree!" The pianist replied, "I'll see you in court!"And that's where they next met.
And with only a few embellishments, I created this little piece. A perfect play for St. Paddy's day.
Cast of Characters
A fine pianist of Jewish Descent
David’s friend and lawyer,
and a very attractive woman
Hon. Abraham Ginzberg
Presiding Judge of the Small Claims Court
A very attractive Irish widow
Father Shamus Rory Mulligan
A very Irish Catholic priest and
friend of the widow O’Malley
The Small Claims Court Room of the Hon. Abraham Ginzberg. The time is the present.