Buyer Beware, Darling?
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As Erin's birthday approaches, which falls on Halloween, to prevent Harry, Erins significant other, from giving her another "practical present," Sage, her room mate, offers to give Harry a hint. She suggests that Erin would like something "exotic." So armed, Harry and his friend, Tom, go to Ebay to find the perfect exotic gift for Erin. Among the items advertised is a superfluous Ghost!
One-Acts By: John Donald O'Shea
Cast: 4 women, 2 men
Performance Time: Approximately 45-50 minutes
Cast of Characters
Sage: A recent high school gradute. Erin's roomate.
Erin: Another recent high school graduate. Sage's
Roommate. Harry's "significant other"
Harry: Erin's boyfriend. Tom's friend. Recent high school
Tom: Harry's sidekick. Recent high school graduate.
Mad Margaret Murgatroyd: A young former actress. Now a
mischievous ghost. Temperamental.
Winifred Wells: Daughter of John Wellington Wells III, of the
London firm J. W. Wells & Co. She is the
firm's American representative
TWO BRIEF EXCERPTS
Brief Excerpt #1
Sage. (Sage enters from kitchen to DSR. She carries a dust rag [prop]) What is “Significant other” getting you for your birthday?
Erin. (Erin has been sitting on the stuffed chair, reading a book [prop]) Harry always comes up with something very practical -- like a wrench!
Sage. A wrench? How romantic!
Erin. The wrench wasn’t bad. Last Christmas, he gave me a vacuum cleaner.
Sage. Is there a problem with this place you haven't told us about?
Erin. (He escapes, by crossing a couple steps down left center) I wouldn't really call it a problem.
Sage. (She crosses above sofa to straighten sofa cushions, and things on sofa table) With any luck, this year he’ll get you an ironing board.
Erin. It’s not so bad. He always takes me out for dinner as well.
Sage. That surprises me. Your birthday being on Halloween, I would have expected him to take you trick or treating. (She crosses up to CD table to straighten up)
Erin. He actually suggested that last year.
Sage. Why am I not surprised?
Erin. I actually gave his suggestion careful consideration. I figured I might get chocolate out of it.
Brief Excerpt #2
Harry. (Harry and Tom enter apartment from UL) This shouldn’t be too hard. All we have to do, is go on line and find something exotic.
Tom. (From UC above Harry) Where are you going to start?
Harry. (He sits at his computer which is asleep and clicks the mouse) How about Google?
Tom. How about Ebay?
Harry. Good idea. What should I look under?
Tom. Try looking under “Exotic.”
Harry. (He does) 8,442 items. Not bad? Hey, look! (Indicating screen) "Exotic East African Leopard!"
Tom. Forget it. Sage said, “no animals.”
Harry. (After scrolling down) In that case, how about a plant?
Tom. Yeah, girls always like plants.
Harry. (Reading) "Exotic Giant Malaysian Pitcher Plant. Carnivorous."
Tom. "Carnivorous?" Like in man-eating?
Harry. (Having clicked, he reads) "Exotic genetically engineered Giant Malaysian Pitcher Plant - Nepenthes rajah major. Lovely dark green scambling vine, with large red or purple trap. Flowers at random times during year." Do you think she'd like it?
Tom. (Reading over Harry's shoulder) Vine grows to twenty meters. As plant is carnivorous, we cannot recommended for homes with cats, dogs under 25 pounds or small children. Prefers hamburger."
Harry. Their lease doesn't allow pets, and neither one of them has a kid.
Tom. Hamburger isn't cheap, and doesn't she occasionally baby sit?
Harry. Yeah, so what? (Suddenly the danger dawns upon him) Oh, I see what you mean!
Tom. I suggest you look for something that doesn't eat children.
Photos from Harrison Hilltop Theatre Production, 10-31-08